Gary Portrait

about

Gary Portrait was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He lives in a luxury villa in the woods about umpteen miles from his relatives. He drives a 2001 Mercury Cougar with an am/fm radio and is often invited to formal banquets held in his honor. His ex-girlfriend is the best athlete in the world. He often keeps a large staff of servants, but he’s very specific about hiring honest ones. He’s a pillar of the community. He doesn’t take no for an answer, unless to do so would be impolite. Gary Portrait spends much of his time mentoring a trench-rippin’ idiot-boy by the name of Lonnie. Lonnie is his major source of inspiration. Lonnie becomes almost inert, at times. He doesn’t speak at all and his blood has a high mustard content. His hair grows in unnatural patterns and he sheds his unusually loose skin like a snake every few hours. He has a large, permanent stain on his face. THE BOY IS MEAN! He’s a sweet boy. He’s on a quest for knowledge. He’s really handsome and smart; a genuine, top-hat-wearin’ ladies man. He sits in a wheel barrow most of the time. His heart is made of pure diamond pendants. He has a penchant for eating wood glue and has rosy cheeks that glisten an unusually wet-looking crimson red. His arms are almost the exact same size, but have very different textures. Lonnie recently died in a terrible tragedy. Now Mr. Gary Portrait is dedicating his life to the enchantment of others through a set of beautiful limericks, many of which were recorded at a bit-rate

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