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Our story begins in a hospital off the coast of Terre Haute. Our protagonist turns 21 years old in the clutches of leather straps and a jewish witch. He dutifully plays ping pong under doctor's orders. With a lack of respect for money, authority, himself, and pretty much everything around him, he begins to pen down what he sees in himself and in others that leaves something to be desired. With compulsivity and awkward wit, he begins to elaborate on the fictional and exaggerated holocaust of every person he has loved longer than four hours. He proceeds to convert this material into food which is consumed as communion on the last Thursday of every month with the exception of a leap year in which during the month of February, this food is consumed during Lent. Change Thief plans to open a non-religious church in which this food shall be consumed under the divine authority of no one in particular, but rather in the name of deep philosophy and unemployment. All questions regarding the holy or unholy nature of Change Thief shall be directed to the Lord himself and promptly ignored. User-contributed text is available under the Creative Commons By-SA License; additional terms may apply.