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about this album
This is more than just music. This is a piece of who I am. In between all the notes on this album, just like it was on Synergy, there are my heartbeats. My tears. My sweat. My blood. In between all the notes that might sound uplifting or happy or inspired are years of major depression and anxiety and suicidal ideation and self mutilation. In between the lyrics are the screams from when I had a quasi-sychotic episode and was crabwalking around the basement and hitting my head into doors and grinding my arms and legs against the carpet. And in between these liner notes are all the pieces of paper I wrote "PLEASE HELP ME" on, all the times I've prayed "Please, God, help me," and all the notebooks and scraps of paper I've filled with more poems and essays and stories and thoughts and journal entries and hopes and dreams and fantasies than I could possibly keep track of. A piece of who I am is recorded on this album. In my music I've found a way to share and express all those feelings that went without expression for such a long time. All the long hours spent in isolation and fear and anxiety away from other people, all the thoughts locked inside my head -- even happiness can become a form of torment if it's locked inside your heart and mind and you can't figure out a way to share it with anyone or anything else. What expression is there for it? I think I feel a compulsion to tell my life story so often, or at least as many random snippets of it that I can remember whenever they
